Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize