i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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