all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
