i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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