we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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