her vagine was all disorganized.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
