Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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