got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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