When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
