I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
