I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
