He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I bet he comes in French.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
