She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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