No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
