we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
