She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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