2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
