I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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