we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
