Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
