No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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