I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
its not stalking. its research.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
