I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
