I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate all girls vehemently.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
