don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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