Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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