she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
