once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
