R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
