I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
