Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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