Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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