we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
