this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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