I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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