i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
