Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
