Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
where are my eyebrows?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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