I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
