rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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