I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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