I looked at my own cervix.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
