You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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