i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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