but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
