Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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