my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
