Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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