apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
