Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
