the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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