On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize