I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
