6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
