Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
