Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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