I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
