it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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