yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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