ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
