I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
