Please, let me fuck your mom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
