he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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