last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
