The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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