Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
