Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
