I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Mom said you looked used
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
